Relationships and the Bible

BIBLICAL CHRISTIANITY

  • One Book to obey.

  • One God to serve.

  • One Life to live.

That ye might walk worthy of the Lord unto all pleasing, being fruitful in every good work, and increasing in the knowledge of God…. Colossians 1:10

Many problems in the christian life result from lack of:

  • Discipline

  • Commitment

  • Obedience

These surface as:

  • Pride and Selfishness

  • The Root Cause is: Lack of Faith and Unbelief

What must we do?

  • Understand our times and know what we must do about it! 1 Chronicles 12:32

  • Surrender our will to the will of God.

  • Do our work heartily as unto the Lord.

  • Seek the approval of God, not men.

  • Live and speak in the power of the H. S.

  • Live within the framework of Scripture.

The three big decisions

  • Who is my Master?

  • What is my mission?

  • Who is my mate?

SCRIPTURE AND MARRIAGE

Therefore shall a man shall leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh. Genesis 2:24

For the Lord, the God of Israel, saith that He hateth putting away….(DIVORCE) Malachi 2:16

MATTHEW AND THE EXCEPTION CLAUSE

  • Matthew was written to the Jewish mind.

  • The Jewish people had a custom unique to them in the Middle East: BETROTHAL

  • Betrothal was a one year engagement.

  • Joseph and Mary were Betrothed (Espoused), were not married and had not consummated their marriage when Joseph learned Mary was pregnant.

 DURING BETROTHAL DIVORCE IS PERMITTED

Now the birth of Jesus Christ was on this wise: When as his mother Mary was espoused to Joseph, before they came together, she was found with child of the Holy Ghost. Then Joseph her husband,… not willing to make her a public example was minded to put her away privily. Matthew 1:18-19

MATTHEW 19:1-12; (5:31-32)

 The Matthew 18 topic is Forgiveness

Jesus said: "Whosoever shall put away his wife, except it be for fornication, and shall marry another, committeth adultery: and whoso marrieth her which is put away doth commit adultery. His disciples say unto Him, If the case of the man be so with his wife, it is not good to marry." Mt. 19:9,10

FORNICATION OR ADULTERY

  • Porneia is the Greek word for fornication.

  • Porneia is most commonly used for immorality among unmarried singles.

  • Moichao is the Greek word for adultery.

  • Moichao is most commonly used to refer to immorality between married people.

  • The Exception Clause uses "Porneia."

 MATTHEW IS WRITTEN TO THE JEWISH PEOPLE

  • Matthew alone has the Exception Clause.

  • The Jewish people practiced Betrothal

  • Luke and Mark are written to Gentiles.

  • Gentiles did not practice Betrothal!

  • Mark 10 does not mention "EXCEPTION"

  • Luke 16 does not mention "EXCEPTION"

  • DIVORCE IS NOT EVER AN OPTION!!!!!!!

 GOD’S BEST IS NO DIVORCE, NO REMARRIAGE!!!

 If a man divorces his wife and marries another woman he commits adultery. Mark 10:11

 If a woman divorces her husband and marries another man she commits adultery. Mark 10:12

 A FURTHER COMMENT ON THE MATTHEW "EXCEPTION" CLAUSE:

 A married person who commits adultery was to be stoned (Deuteronomy 22:22).

 Stoned, dead, people do not get divorced or remarried!!!!!!!!!!!

 Matthew 19:9, with the use of "porneia" must surely be talking about the betrothal period and not marriage.

 IS REMARRIAGE EVER AN OPTION FOR A CHRISTIAN?

 For the woman which hath a husband is bound by law to her husband so long as he liveth; but if the husband be dead, she is loosed from the law of her husband. So then if, while her husband liveth she be married to another man, she shall be called an adulteress: but if her husband be dead, she is free from the law; so that she is no adulteress, though she be married to another man. Romans 7:2,3

God has called us to be peacemakers

Yet if the unbelieving depart, let him depart. A brother or a sister is not under bondage in such cases: but God hath called us to peace. 1 Corinthians 7:15

The real issue here is that the Christian should be a peacemaker in the marriage so that the unbeliever will not want to leave but to stay and come to faith!!!

DATING

"It is good for a man not to touch a woman." 1 Corinthians 7:1 (KJV)

"It is good for a man not to touch a woman." 1 Corinthians 7:1 (NASB)

"It is good for a man not to marry." 1 Corinthians 7:1 (NIV)

NIV USES DYNAMIC EQUIVALENCE

Nevertheless, to avoid fornication, let every man have his own wife and every woman her own husband. 1 Corinthians 7:2

1 Cor. 7:1: "man" = "Anthropos" = men or mankind or men and women

1 Cor. 7:1: "to touch" = "Haptomai" = touching that leads to grasping attachment or further relations result.

1 Cor. 7:2: "fornication" = Most commonly used for sex among singles, incest, bestiality, idolatry, not adultery.

Singleness is God’s gift to you to equip you for a life of ministry!!!

 

Joshua Harris in I Kissed Dating Goodbye 1997, Multnomah Press, writes:

  • Dating leads to intimacy, but not necessarily commitment.
  • Dating tends to skip the "friendship" stage of a relationship
  • Dating often mistakes a physical relationship for love
  • Dating often isolates a couple from other vital relationships.
  • Dating, in many cases, distracts young adults from their primary responsibility of preparing for the future.
  • Dating can cause discontentment with God’s gift of singleness.
  • Dating creates an artificial environment for evaluating another person’s character

WHAT DOES GOD WANT?

Everyone longs to give themselves completely to someone, to have a deep soul relationship with another, to be loved thoroughly and exclusively; but God to a Christian says:

No, not until you are satisfied, fulfilled and content

With being loved by Me alone

With giving yourself totally and unreservedly to Me

With having an intensely personal and unique relationship with Me alone,

Discovering that only in Me is your satisfaction to be found

Will you be capable of the perfect human relationship that I have planned for you.

You will never be united with another until you are united with Me,

Exclusive of anyone else or anything else,

Exclusive of any other longings or desires

I want you to stop planning, stop wishing

And allow Me to give you the most thrilling plan existing

One that you cannot imagine.

I want you to have the best;

I WANT YOU TO HAVE THE BEST!

Please allow Me to give it to you.

You just keep watching Me, expecting the greatest things,

Keep experiencing the satisfaction that I am

Keep listening and learning the things that I tell you.

You just wait; Don’t be anxious, don’t worry,don’t look at the things you want - - -

You just keep looking off and away up to Me or you’ll miss what I want to show you

And then, when you’re ready, I will surprise you with a love far more wonderful than any you dream of.

You see, until you are ready and until the one I have for you is ready,

(I am working even at this moment to have you both ready at the same time)

Until you are both satisfied exclusively with Me and the life I prepared for you,

You won’t be able to experience the love that exemplifies your relationship with Me,

And this is the perfect love.

And dear one, I want you to have this most wonderful love,

I want you to see in the flesh a picture of your relationship with Me, and to enjoy materially and concretely- - - -

The everlasting union of beauty, perfection and love that I offer with Myself.

Know that I love you utterly.

I AM GOD.

Believe and be satisfied.

Author unknown 

KISSING

 Some thoughts by a 1996

Summit Excellence Graduate

"A Student’s Viewpoint"

 

THE SUMMIT GRAD SAYS:

 

"Would you kiss this guy if your parents were watching?

 

Does kissing cause your relationship to center in on the Lord Jesus Christ as the center in your relationship, or on the physical aspects of your relationship?

 

Do you really think that kissing is a necessity to getting to know your friend?

 

If you think kissing is a necessity, then you are centering in more on the physical part of your relationship instead of the spiritual. I believe that if you focus your relationship more on spiritual things - i.e. How does God want us to be? - then you will have a much more successful marriage and less chance of divorce.

 

I also believe that kissing before marriage shows a lack of self control and a weakness to give in to peer pressure. True love is patient. (1 Corinthians 13)

 

Is kissing really good for anything when done before marriage?

 

Is there really any reason for kissing other than to please your own physical desires? Why are you kissing people?

 

I think the best gift you can give your mate on your wedding day is the gift of your first kiss!

 

HISTORICALLY, WHEN THE MINISTER SAID:

 

"You may now kiss the bride! . . ."

 

This was the couple’s first kiss!!!!

 

Our culture says you must try the physical things to see if you are compatible. Physical compatibility is not a problem in marriage. 99.9% of all people are wired right!!!

 

WHY NOT SAVE YOUR KISSES FOR YOUR MARRIAGE?

 

Physical involvements before marriage lead to broken relationships and lengthy recovery periods during which concentration is difficult, tests are flunked and our future is thereby limited.

 

God gives us singleness to equip ourselves with excellence for a life of ministry for our dear Lord Jesus. Don’t throw it away!!

 

1998 SUMMIT GRAD

 

Are you ready to get married?

 

What are your goals and plans for the future?

 

Will this relationship help us grow spiritually or take our focus from God?

 

Will you respect and uphold my beliefs and morals?

 

FEELINGS BEFORE FRIENDSHIP OR FRIENDSHIP BEFORE FEELINGS

 

Are you willing to talk to my family?

 

What are your intentions with this relationship?

 

Is this a friendship or an exclusive "special" friendship?

 

At any given moment in our relationship, is our dear Savior pleased with us?

 

JAMES 4:17

 

"Therefore, to him that knoweth to do good, and doeth it not, to him it is sin."

 

NUMBERS 32:23b

 

". . . be sure your sin will find you out."

 

KEVIN: 4TH SESSION 1998

 

"Do not ever tell a woman you "love her" until you are ready to say " will you marry me?" in the same breath!!!!!

 

WHAT ABOUT COURTSHIP?

 

DATING

COURTING

Little parent involvement

The two alone together much time

Recreational entertainment for fun

Breeds irresponsibility

Much parent involvement

Open accountability with others present

Ministry with others for fun

Nurtures responsibility

 

MEN: ARE YOU READY TO PROVIDE FOR AND PROTECT A WIFE?

DATING

COURTING

Can be careless about situations that lead to immorality

Puts guards on you to prevent slipping into immorality

A series of broken relationships does not help you to learn loyalty

Withhold your emotional attachments until you are ready to marry

 

LADIES: ARE YOU READY TO MARRY AND RAISE A FAMILY?

DATING

COURTING

Trusts in strong romantic desires to guide

Distrusts emotions and trusts Godly counsel + planning

Tends toward the physical at the expense of the intellectual and spiritual

Tends toward the intellectual and spiritual and waits for the physical until marriage

 

MARRIAGE

Genesis 1: God (Elohim) creates the universe and climaxes that with the creation of man.

Genesis 2: The Lord God ( Yahweh Elohim). Yahweh is the covenantal name of God. In Genesis 2 the covenant keeping God takes man into his covenant keeping relationship: marriage.

 

GENESIS 2:24-25

24) "Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh. 25) And they were both naked, the man and his wife, and were not ashamed."

 

Vs. 24=masculine=men leave momma!!!

Vs. 25="naked"=open, unguarded, laid bare, fully transparent=no selfishness!!!

 

THE SPIRITUAL TEST!

 

A FAITH THAT CAN’T BE TESTED CAN’T BE TRUSTED!

 

"And the Lord God commanded the man saying, Of every tree of the garden thou mayest freely eat." Genesis 2:16

Millions of perfectly legitimate options of things to do, but Adam and Eve begin to zero in on the forbidden fruit.

 

"But of the tree of the knowledge of good and evil, thou shalt not eat of it: for in the day that thou eatest thereof thou shalt surely die." Genesis 2:17

Adam had the choice--to serve God or to serve self=satisfying the lust of the eyes, the lust of the flesh and the pride of life.

Adam needed help to face this spiritual test.

 

GENESIS 2:18

 

"And the Lord God said, It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make a help meet for him."

 

The serpent spoke to the woman, she ate and the creative order was flip-flopped.

 

ORDER= God, in submission is man; then in submission= woman; in submission=animals

 

DISORDER=animal, woman, man, God

 

DISORDER

 

The serpent deceives the woman and she has submitted to the animal. Then Adam, the man, submits to the woman, his wife.

 

Instead of man submitting to God and the woman submitting to her husband and the animal submitting to people the order is flip-flopped. The woman submits to the animal, Adam to Eve, God is out!!

 

HOW DID THIS DOWNWARD SPIRAL GET GOING?

 

The serpent said, "Yea, hath God said, Ye shall not eat of every tree of the garden?" Genesis 3:1b

 

In other words you can’t really trust the Word of God even though He said regarding the tree of the knowledge of good and evil "Thou shalt not eat of it: for in the day that thou eatest thereof thou shalt surely die." Gen 2:17b

 

HOW DID THIS DOWNWARD SPIRAL GET GOING?

 

"And the serpent said unto the woman, Ye shall not surely die (reincarnation). For God doth know that in the day ye eat (lust of the flesh) thereof, then your eyes (lust of the eyes) shall be opened, and ye shall be as gods (pride of life), knowing good and evil" Genesis 3:4-5

 

Satan is the father of lies! John 8:44

 

"And when the woman saw that the tree was good for food (lust of flesh), and that it was pleasant to the eyes (lust of eyes), and a tree to be desired to make one wise (pride of life), she took of the fruit thereof and did eat, and gave also unto her husband with her; and he did eat. Gen.3:6

 

Adam is with Eve, but totally passive!!!!!!

 

CONSEQUENCES

 

And unto Adam he said, Because thou hast hearkened unto the voice of thy wife, and hast eaten of the tree, of which I commanded thee, saying, Thou shalt not eat of it: cursed is the ground for thy sake; in sorrow shalt thou eat of it all the days of thy life; thorns and thistles shall it bring forth to thee…." Genesis 3:17-18

 

"Unto the woman he said, I will greatly multiply thy sorrow (pain, NAS) and thy conception; in sorrow (pain, NAS) thou shalt bring forth children; and thy desire shall be to thy husband, and he shall rule over thee." Gen. 3:16

 

Gen. 4:7="desire"=to overrule, overpower or overthrow=wife’s desire for husband!

 

SOLUTION TO CONSEQUENCES OF THE FALL

 

"Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it;…" Ephesians 5:25

 

"Husbands, love your wives, and be not bitter against them." Colossians 3:19

 

Husbands, give honor unto your wife…. 1Peter 3:7

 

"Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord….Therefore, as the church is subject to Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in everything." Ephesians 5:22,24

 

"Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as is fit in the Lord." Col. 3:18

 

OTHER RESOURCES:

  • Of Knights and Fair Maidens, Jeff and Danielle Meyers

  • Best Friends for Life, Michael and Judy Phillips

  • Her Hand in Marriage, Douglas Wilson

  • Passion and Purity, Elizabeth Elliot

 

A FURTHER COMMENT ON THE MATTHEW "EXCEPTION" CLAUSE

  • A married person who commits adultery was to be stoned (Deuteronomy 22:22).

  • Stoned dead people do not get divorced or remarried!!!

  • Matthew 19:9 with the use of porneia must surely be talking about the betrothal period and not marriage.